FURTHER QUERIES FOR JONATHAN.

Every time Goodluck Jonathan opens his mouth, it emits piles of dung upon piles of dung. So, when he spoke to Pastor Chuck Pierce the other day, it was time to question him further.

“Mr President, you said you ‘believe that we can get to where other nations are if we do things rightly’, and that, ‘If we put our acts together, we can take our rightful place in the comity of nations’. Perhaps, we should begin by renouncing our vehement hatred for assets declaration and be up-front and declare our assets publicly so we know what we had when we couldn’t afford school shoes and what we have today, with all this power and impunity lying around. How ’bout that, Mr President?

“You also said that poverty and underdevelopment would be drowned in the Limpopo, or flung off the Kilimanjaro, if African leaders learned to manage their resources better. Given that you are an African leader yourself, do you pledge to practise what you preach, lead by example and cut down on the runaway profligacy in Aso Rock and Aso Dome, and what formula do you have to bring your wish to bear?

“Further to your belief about taking ‘our rightful place in the comity of nations’, Mr President, how do you plan to reclaim Nigeria from its odious reputation as a veritable jungle of humanoid creatures, and what plans do you have to rescue it from the rampaging gang of unscrupulous humanzees, a.k.a. the political class, of which a once bare-foot schoolboy like you is now a stupendously affluent plunderer-in-chief?

“How do you plan to take us there, when your wife – the first lazy of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and commanderess-in-chief of the glamorous forces – can’t cure her appetite for Dubai and flotillas of merchant ships? Are you ready to tie her to that kitchen sink over there in Aso Rock or not so the rest of the ‘nation’ can breathe?

“The ‘Transformation Agenda’ is dead as a door nail, Mr President, true or false? If true, shouldn’t we pack it all in and admit that Reuben Abati, who is a fanatical evangelist for it, and Doyin Okupe, who packs a punch resembling a wrecking ball while defending it, lie constantly about it when they preach about it? If false, why do you grimace each time you talk about it?”.